| i wrote a long post just now, to try to get everything out to you but..i didnt have enough words, enough space enough skill to summarize everything i wanted to say, everything i wanted you to know. i did already kind of expect it, i guess, that you wouldn't approve. what i didnt expect was your reply though, when i said the thing about not letting anything cause awkwardness between us. none of your business, really? then at the same time everytime we hung out after that there would be this giant chasm between us --and i knew that i had to face it, lest it grows bigger and we both fall in and never escape. i know you dont think he's any good but i really think he's earned my trust A; he makes me feel like its okay to love again. i wish i could tell you, talk to you about it like i would if things were more normal. and although i know i've made bad decisions before --many, bad decisions before--i trusted you to know that i wasnt so stupid as to trust just anyone, to know that under my sometimes immature exterior, inside i'd grown up too. i miss you A. i miss all of us, i miss everything before, i do. i didnt want to gain one, lose one; i want to keep you both. and yea next year we're starting new lives but more than anything i hope that we can be more open like this more often. sometimes you're so closed and i dont know what to think, what to do but i'm sorry i didnt let you know about this earlier anyway, maybe then things would have been different. i won't delve into details now, i won't try to defend or argue anything --lets just, take it as things have changed just like how life always does. but hopefully even as we're going different ways next year, i hope you still believe that even if things are different the fact that you're my best friend, you guys are my best friends will never change. i still need you like i did, the only difference is that i kind of need him now too. i know i've never been as eloquent as you, my command of english hasnt always been as precise or expressive (hence the weird speaking patterns and sound effects), but you've always been the one who always understood me anyway. i dont know if this made any sense, and if it didnt then i just want you to know that ily bestf, and that you're still special to me no matter what. i suppose i'll end off by saying that A, i'm here for you. i am. i always have been and always will be please dont ever, ever doubt that. and i guess i just wish that for whats going on now, you'll be there for me too. i miss you, i miss us, iloveyou. bffl <3 |
<3 hahahah i swear we were on drugs like the whole way home damn funny i swear. yay lovee ahh happy day happy day hooray :D 
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